I’ve been moving down a path
with my diabetes. This path has had a
few bumps and curves but the course was mostly straight. The goal: see improved blood glucose,
maintain a healthy weight and basically kick diabetes’ butt. I’ve done fairly well in the 8+ years that I’ve
been dealing with diabetes but now I find myself at a crossroads, of sorts. It seems that my path has taken a sharp turn
and I’ve lost my bearings.
It’s been a rough winter, for a
lot of reasons. Last autumn I began to
see my glucose numbers rise, especially in the morning. My sensitivity to carbs
has increased, meaning that I can no longer eat most carbs without seeing big spikes. I realized that over the course of a year I
had gained 15 pounds (which has now crept up toward 20) all at a time when I’ve
been exercising most days and eating less than I have in years. Frustration abounds. Depression makes itself known much too
often. I have felt defeated.
Today I had an appointment with
my healthcare provider to discuss how things are going. I was sad to sit there and list all my woes
when I can remember my past appointments being more about “I’m doing just fine.” My doctor came to the same conclusion I had:
my diabetes is progressing and I need more help.
I’ve written before about my
desire to use insulin. I had actually
hoped that she would give me a small dose of basal insulin to get things under
control. Nope. Not gonna happen. You see, according to her, my diabetes isn’t
at a point where insulin would be a good move.
Had I been in a better frame of mind, I might have argued with her, but
she had a good point: I often have nearly normal glucose numbers (except in the
morning). My numbers are all over the
place, but she said that she’s afraid that insulin would put me in danger of
severe lows, not to mention it might cause me to gain even more weight. I decided to be ok with letting that go for
now.
Next we talked about
Victoza. Her thinking was that it would
help with my glucose and hopefully help me with the weight issue. There’s just one problem: I have thyroid
cancer which means I’m not a candidate for Victoza.
It was a good appointment. She listened to me. She told me that I know more about diabetes
than all her other patients combined and that I had even taught her a few
things (and she’s a CDE! That's a good example of how we, as patients, need to speak up about what life with diabetes is like.). She
encouraged me to give myself a break now and then. Those are words I needed to hear.
The word progression means “forward
or onward movement”. Sounds like a good
thing until you pair it with diabetes.
My diabetes is progressing. Progress, on the other hand, is “a movement toward a goal.” I can still work to make progress
despite the progression of my diabetes.
It’s interesting to me that both words are derived from the same origin
but can have such different effects on my life.
I have a choice to make. I can
wallow in the suckiness that is diabetes progression or I can choose to move
forward; make progress toward better control.
I can do this. I WILL do
this. The alternative just isn’t
something I’m willing to accept.