This past
week I had the distinct honor of attending the first-ever type 2 diabetes
blogger summit. It was an amazing
opportunity to meet fellow bloggers and learn about a new insulin delivery
system designed specifically with type 2 diabetics in mind. I will definitely blog about the experience
soon but today I want to focus on something I personally experienced during
this trip: Insulin envy.
I found
myself envying those who inject insulin!
First, because of this slick device that I got to see which makes
insulin use so simple, and second, because if I did inject insulin I would be
able to eat a larger variety of foods without fearing the spikes I now see.
I know that
I may sound like I’m crazy for wanting to use insulin but consider my story and
maybe you won’t think I’m in need of a padded cell. (Besides, insulin should never be considered a punishment or last resort. Insulin use gets a bad rap.) Here are the facts:
· I currently have decent glucose control, despite the fact that I’ve been
continuing to struggle with higher fasting numbers.
· I’m not yet on the maximum dosage of Metformin so there is apparently
wiggle room there if things go south.
· I’ve managed to lower my carb intake over the course of time and that has
enabled me to keep my glucose more or less under control.
· I have found that a small glass of red wine with dinner can sometimes allow me
to eat more carbs with that meal.
· I can no longer eat bread, cereal, potatoes, regular tortillas, and rice
(even brown).
· I can still eat some fruit, beans, quinoa, and couscous but only in small amounts.
· I can’t order at a restaurant without sweating over how many carbs are in
any given meal. I am very restricted
when eating out (if I plan to be “good”).
· Splurging at any time brings with it glucose spikes that ruin the entire
experience. It’s no fun to splurge and then spend the next 4 hours regretting
it. Case in point: I threw caution to the wind at lunch during the summit and
paid for it with a glucose of 215 (when I started at 97) which made enjoying the remainder of the
afternoon more difficult.
Just give
me insulin…Please! I have given up so
many foods in order to control my glucose.
Most of the time this fact doesn’t bother me at all, but I occasionally
get pouty and wish that I could just eat whatever I wanted. I’m aware of the fact that, should I be able
to eat whatever I wanted, I would now be making smart choices and not just
eating junk. I don’t really want junk
any more, at least not very often. But
dammit, it would be nice to eat a couple of enchiladas once in a while. How about oatmeal for breakfast? Some strawberries would be nice. Is it unreasonable to desire a normal
restaurant meal? Why can’t I share a
pizza with friends? Because I can’t. I’m one of those diabetics who can’t just eat
anything. I can’t. I found myself thinking this past week that
if I could just have some insulin I could eat more normally. I even considered totally wrecking my glucose
for a couple of weeks by eating a healthy diet with more carbs in it just so I
could show my doctor what I’m talking about.
Sigh.
I’m fully
aware that the grass can seem much greener wherever we aren’t. I know that insulin use brings with it a
whole other group of issues, including fear of lows, which I don’t deal with
now. But sometimes I just want to feel
more normal, you know? Is that too much
to ask?