You know that moment when you suddenly realize that something is happening that you feared would happen? It’s like realizing that a bad dream is actually happening and you aren’t sleeping. Scary. This happened to me yesterday. It wasn’t the “oh my word, this horrible thing is actually happening and now I’m freaking out, running around in circles and screaming” kind of scary. It was the “tingling on the back of your neck like someone is behind you and staring, slow and creepy, and I don’t want to turn around” kind of scary. It just snuck up on me.
|Plants vs Zombies|
When I began to lower my carb intake and truly get a grip on my eating habits, I was so pleased. I seemed to be able to shun “bad” food choices and curbed my snacking frenzies without much issue. It was almost too easy. In the back of my mind I was concerned that the “frenzied snacker” would return, especially during the winter months when I’m stuck in the house more often. You know: that gotta have the comfort food season. I think I even blogged about it at some point. I hoped that I would have lived this new way of eating lifestyle long enough before winter hit to be able to handle that part of my previous eating habits without a problem. Then came yesterday.
Sometime during the afternoon I realized that I was constantly thinking about food and wondering what there was in the house that I could snack on. I kept grazing, eating “whatever” and not for good reasons, ie: I wasn’t hungry but I just wanted something to eat. I decided to try one of the snack bars that we purchased for Ray even though I knew that they had more carbs than I should eat for a snack. One of them is dipped in chocolate and Ray isn’t fond of chocolate (how can that be?) so I figured I’d eat one since I didn’t want them to go to waste. See what a good doobie I am? The problem was that I picked the wrong one and didn’t get the chocolate dipped variety. Oh well, I ate it anyway…then I grabbed a chocolate one on my way to my mom’s house and ate it too. Not only did I eat one of the too-many-carbs bars, but I ate two of them! When it dawned on me what I was doing I felt awful and sneaky and defeated. I was afraid that all the hard work I had put in to revamp my eating habits had flown out the window. I know, one splurge does not mean the end, but I know myself and it seemed as if I was slipping. Scary.
“Slip sliding away, slip sliding away
You know the nearer your destination, the more you slip sliding away”
There are a million reasons why yesterday happened. Well, maybe more like several reasons. Hormonal? Maybe. Weather change? Meh. (Yesterday was rainy and dreary and about 15 degrees colder. It felt like fall had arrived.) I think it’s more that nothing is ever easy or simple and we will always be faced with food choices for the rest of our lives. Sometimes we’ll fight the good fight and other times we’ll slip. So what? It’s life, folks. Life isn’t perfect and neither are we. That might sound depressing but today it feels empowering. “It is never easy…it is a choice.” Colette Nelson, body builder. I read this in an article on Diabetes Daily and it really stayed with me. I have a choice. I may not always make the right choice but it’s not the end of the world if I don’t.
Today I’m shaking off the bad dream I experienced yesterday and chocking it up to “one of those days”. One day does not make a trend but the months I have put into changing my eating habits does. I’m going to focus on that and just let yesterday slip slide away. I’m not nearing my destination, I’ve arrived. I am living a healthier lifestyle now, one that I’ve chosen. It’s never easy but the struggle won’t cause me to quit.