Monday, August 8, 2011

Let’s Make a Deal

Oh the games we play!  Games are fun, but the games we play with ourselves to justify just about anything aren’t.  Fooling ourselves doesn’t gain us anything but upset down the road.  For instance, if I’ve been exceptionally good with my diet or had really nice numbers on my meter I think I deserve a treat.  I seem to immediately think, “Wow, I’ve done so well!  Maybe today I’ll just eat something yummy even if it’s something I should probably avoid.”  I do think that it’s ok to have a treat now and then; that’s not the issue.  The issue is my frame of mind during these sessions of Let’s Make a Deal.  Rewarding myself for “good behavior” by eating too much of a bad thing only negates my success.  It just doesn’t make sense.

I’ve been this way for most of my adult life.  Back before I was diagnosed with diabetes I would play this game while dieting.  I’d work really hard and lose a few pounds and then reward myself with a goodie.  The biggest problem with that is I have a tendency to eat too much.  I’m not good at “just a little”.  If I cave in and indulge I have a good chance of wiping out all my hard work!  That sounds kinda stupid, eh?  Why would I do that to myself?

I recently discovered that I’ve been following this same ridiculous pattern when it comes to my diabetes.  Just this last week, in fact, I managed to play my silly game.  I was finally seeing fasting blood glucose numbers in the 1teens instead of the 130’s!  I’m sure this is mostly due to the switch in my medication but I’ve also been trying very hard to make changes to my evening meals.  I’ve discovered that my glucose readings stay about the same all night.  If I have a decent reading at bedtime I’ll see the same in the morning, and vice versa: high bg at bedtime = high morning numbers.  Therefore, it’s important that I eat responsibly at dinner and avoid snacks at night (damn the luck!).  So what did I do after seeing great numbers all week?  I blew it and fell off the “I’m eating responsibly and taking care of my condition” wagon and my morning numbers are reflecting that.  What a dolt!

So here’s how I’m feeling this morning: Kinda bloated, lower energy, slightly pissed at myself and somewhat sad.  Is all that worth the extra food I ate?  HELL NO!!!!! Not to mention that my weight has been dropping and now I’ll have to work doubly hard to make up for the “game”.  Grrrr.

So learn from my mistakes, dear friends.  Stay focused on your goals whatever they may be.  Avoid eating things that you have trouble controlling, ie: bread, crackers, cookies….whatever flips your switches.  Reward yourself with other treats like time with your grandsons or shopping with your daughter.  (Kate, are you listening???)  Let’s make a deal, shall we?  I’ll do a better job of rewarding myself if you will too. We're worth it!

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