Friday, April 17, 2015

Sometimes it’s just hard



Life.

Expectations.

Diabetes.

Weight loss.

Life. 

Did I say that already? Yeah, life can be damn hard. Diabetes is nearly always hard, isn’t it? Even when we’re kicking its butt, it isn’t easy. The expectations we put on ourselves, and those we feel from others, add another layer of difficulty. If you’re like me, you try to overcome the difficult aspects and put on your game face…but sometimes it’s just hard. 

Too hard.

I’ve been plagued by a new speed bump over the last few months; a condition that has stumped my HCP. So I’m dealing with something that hinders my activities…every day. My not-as-yet-diagnosed “condition” has added a new level of difficulty to my life. It means that exercise has become difficult. This has been really hard on me since I used to crave my time on the treadmill; pushing myself a little harder as time went on. Proud of what I could do to improve my overall health. Now, I push myself just to get out of the recliner and walk 20 minutes on a flat surface and I won’t win any speed competitions.

Ray and I have been eating a very low carb diet for a couple of months now. And before you think it; no, my new health issue is not related to the low carb diet. I had already cut way back on my carb intake a long time ago in order to attempt to keep my blood sugars more near normal (ha!). Ray decided that he wanted to try this in order to lose some weight. It’s working…for him. We eat very few processed foods, mostly just occasional canned stuff really. No root veggies. No grains. Whole, real food. It has become our new lifestyle and it’s working for us. I don’t have any complaints, really, except that, unlike Ray, I’m gaining weight. Can I blame that on the diet? No. Something else is going on. My new not-as-yet-diagnosed “condition” has brought with it a distinct lack of appetite. I’m rarely hungry. I forget to eat. I know that a body can go into starvation mode when it doesn’t get enough calories, but I haven’t heard of someone gaining weight in that scenario. Leave it to me.

We try so hard, and sometimes we fall short of our goals. We do what we can to do what we should, and sometimes it just doesn’t work. We’re bombarded with information that says we will lose weight/control blood sugar/be healthier and happier if we just put in the effort, and yet our efforts don’t always pan out the way we’d hoped. Although this sucks, I choose to keep on keepin on. The alternative doesn’t appeal to me.

The next time I read an insensitive comment online that says that I would be thinner or a better controlled diabetic if I would just eat less and move more, I won’t take it to heart. I’ve always known that weight loss is way more than fewer calories and more movement, and yet whenever the subject comes up I feel guilty, as if I’ve failed somehow. Yet, here I am: eating very little and moving when I can…and I’ve gained a few pounds. How is that my fault? How can someone say this is my doing? Sometimes it’s just hard. 

If you’re overweight. If your blood sugar isn’t meeting its goals. If exercise is difficult for you. If you can’t let go of the addicting carbs. If the wagon wobbles at times, pitching you out into a field of things you’re trying to avoid. If any or all of these scenarios is your life, then please don’t listen to the naysayers. Please don’t fall into the trap that it will all work out if you only try harder/eat less/move more. Sometimes it doesn’t pan out. Sometimes our best falls a bit short. This should not deter you. This is NOT your fault. This should make you more determined to keep at it. 

Dr. Phil said, “Life’s a marathon, not a sprint.” (Love the quote but…) True words. We need to keep moving forward, despite our obstacles, and make life as good as we can. Find the shiny things. Enjoy the little stuff. Don’t ever give up, especially when it’s hard.