Friday, April 17, 2015

Sometimes it’s just hard



Life.

Expectations.

Diabetes.

Weight loss.

Life. 

Did I say that already? Yeah, life can be damn hard. Diabetes is nearly always hard, isn’t it? Even when we’re kicking its butt, it isn’t easy. The expectations we put on ourselves, and those we feel from others, add another layer of difficulty. If you’re like me, you try to overcome the difficult aspects and put on your game face…but sometimes it’s just hard. 

Too hard.

I’ve been plagued by a new speed bump over the last few months; a condition that has stumped my HCP. So I’m dealing with something that hinders my activities…every day. My not-as-yet-diagnosed “condition” has added a new level of difficulty to my life. It means that exercise has become difficult. This has been really hard on me since I used to crave my time on the treadmill; pushing myself a little harder as time went on. Proud of what I could do to improve my overall health. Now, I push myself just to get out of the recliner and walk 20 minutes on a flat surface and I won’t win any speed competitions.

Ray and I have been eating a very low carb diet for a couple of months now. And before you think it; no, my new health issue is not related to the low carb diet. I had already cut way back on my carb intake a long time ago in order to attempt to keep my blood sugars more near normal (ha!). Ray decided that he wanted to try this in order to lose some weight. It’s working…for him. We eat very few processed foods, mostly just occasional canned stuff really. No root veggies. No grains. Whole, real food. It has become our new lifestyle and it’s working for us. I don’t have any complaints, really, except that, unlike Ray, I’m gaining weight. Can I blame that on the diet? No. Something else is going on. My new not-as-yet-diagnosed “condition” has brought with it a distinct lack of appetite. I’m rarely hungry. I forget to eat. I know that a body can go into starvation mode when it doesn’t get enough calories, but I haven’t heard of someone gaining weight in that scenario. Leave it to me.

We try so hard, and sometimes we fall short of our goals. We do what we can to do what we should, and sometimes it just doesn’t work. We’re bombarded with information that says we will lose weight/control blood sugar/be healthier and happier if we just put in the effort, and yet our efforts don’t always pan out the way we’d hoped. Although this sucks, I choose to keep on keepin on. The alternative doesn’t appeal to me.

The next time I read an insensitive comment online that says that I would be thinner or a better controlled diabetic if I would just eat less and move more, I won’t take it to heart. I’ve always known that weight loss is way more than fewer calories and more movement, and yet whenever the subject comes up I feel guilty, as if I’ve failed somehow. Yet, here I am: eating very little and moving when I can…and I’ve gained a few pounds. How is that my fault? How can someone say this is my doing? Sometimes it’s just hard. 

If you’re overweight. If your blood sugar isn’t meeting its goals. If exercise is difficult for you. If you can’t let go of the addicting carbs. If the wagon wobbles at times, pitching you out into a field of things you’re trying to avoid. If any or all of these scenarios is your life, then please don’t listen to the naysayers. Please don’t fall into the trap that it will all work out if you only try harder/eat less/move more. Sometimes it doesn’t pan out. Sometimes our best falls a bit short. This should not deter you. This is NOT your fault. This should make you more determined to keep at it. 

Dr. Phil said, “Life’s a marathon, not a sprint.” (Love the quote but…) True words. We need to keep moving forward, despite our obstacles, and make life as good as we can. Find the shiny things. Enjoy the little stuff. Don’t ever give up, especially when it’s hard.

7 comments:

  1. Hugs and believe me, no great advice except to "Keep on truckin'." I do hope that your doctor(s) can get to the root of what is causing your pain/fatigue/etc. Keep in touch this summer!

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  2. More hugs, and hang in there hon!

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  3. Love this with everything I've got. Hang in there. Hope it gets better soon.

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  4. I understand your frustration. I'm T2 and had good control until about January. Even though my eating hasn't changed and I get just as much exercise as I did before, I just can't seem to get my blood sugar down to what it was last year. While our problems aren't the same, the frustration is. All we can do is keep plugging along.

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    1. Hugs Ila, I hope you can figure it out. Damn diabetes!

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  5. hey there kate,
    I just read your post, and I want to say that instead of looking at the glass half empty lets look at it half full. Give yourself a pat on the back because you put in effort towards your diabetic regime. The thing is a lot of diabetic patients don't realize that the work they put in is actually helping them tremendously even if they don't see it. It's true that your blood sugar is still high and that you barely lost any weight, but let's look at it in the brighter side, if you didn't put any effort, your risk of developing heart disease would have increase exponentially. You may not see the results, but microscopically your heart vessels have improved because of your effort, therefore reducing the chance of deadly heart issues. I want to motivate you to keep on going with your regime because it can and will help you in the long run :)

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    1. Thanks Dr. Wong. I won't give up. I'm committed to doing what I need to do in order to maintain a healthier life. I will allow myself to feel how difficult it can be, however. It's ok to acknowledge the struggle.

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