I am NOT a doctor, dietician or expert. Do I know everything there is to know about diabetes? Heck no, but I do know what it’s like to live with it.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
A Better Way
I found it; a better way. I’ve
been slogging through my days, dealing with the suck that is my mother’s life. (I
won’t rage here about how useless this seems to be and how much I don’t see the
point of life when it’s near the end and days are endless and painful and sad.)
During this sucky time I’ve been paying very little attention to my diabetes.
It’s there. I check my glucose, at least in the morning. I take my meds. That’s
about it. When I see a higher-than-it-should-be number on my meter, I just
shrug. I may have a good idea of why it’s high. I may not. It doesn’t seem to
matter. I just go on with my day. I don’t get upset.
I am still aware of my glucose
number when I think about eating. I still seem to be able to make a lower carb
choice when my numbers are higher (most of the time). It’s not like it weighs
heavily on my mind; it just is.
I’ve eaten lower-carb ice cream
and had ridiculous numbers the next morning. Shrug. I should stop buying ice cream
because, obviously, it doesn’t play well with my D. I realized that I enjoyed
the ice cream, and the high number the next day didn’t detract from the memory
of my enjoyment. Hmmm.
Out for lunch with a friend and
I chose to eat the middles out of my sandwich with a knife and fork, avoiding
the high-carb bread. Another day I ate the whole damn sandwich…with FRIES. I
didn’t care. I enjoyed it.
It slowly dawned on me through
all of this that I had stumbled on a better way to live with my diabetes.
Diabetes had ceased to be THIS BIG THING in my life; it was just part of
it. There are so many other things in my life that should be claiming my
thoughts and energy other than a number on a meter or whether or not I should eat something. My loving
husband, my amazing kids, my fabulous grandchildren…my aging mother. I am
focusing more on the things that make me happy, that make me sad, that give me
a feeling of accomplishment…that make me feel. Isn’t that how life should be?
I am proud of the changes that
diabetes has caused me to make in my life. I’m pleased that I have been able to
realize that I have to do it; that no one can attempt to manage my
diabetes other than me. I get a little bit giddy when I realize that the
changes I’ve made to my diet have become healthier and I don’t really have to
think about it anymore. Mostly I’m tired of letting my diabetes rule my life. I
won’t ignore it. It is what it is; a part
of my life. I refuse to fear food or let it rule me. It’s just food. Food
addictions are real but they can be overcome. I did it. You can too.
I know that diabetes is
progressive and that I will most likely have to change my medicine or start
insulin somewhere down the road. That’s what happens. People who dwell on
trying to “get off the meds” are missing the point. I refuse to live in fear of
what might happen in the future. I am doing everything I can to manage my
diabetes. There is no other diet or supplement or voodoo that will do it any
better so why worry? I can only do what I can do. I’m not being irresponsible
and eating tons of processed or junk food. I’m eating in a healthy way, taking
my meds and monitoring my progress.
I am not perfect; far from it. I
will make mistakes; that’s life. I will overindulge now and then; I will not
beat myself up about it. My meter no longer holds sway over my emotions. They are
just numbers. I am more than that.
I have found a better way to
live with my diabetes. It isn’t a certain way to eat or a magic pill. It’s just
a better-focused life. I’ve finally remembered what life should be about, and
it has nothing to do with my diabetes.