There are moments when moving in circles and loops can feel like a waste of time. Going over and over the same route can seem fruitless. When I think back over 2012 in regards to my diabetes, it seems as if I’ve been going in circles and loops. I make some progress and then something changes or I give into temptations, then I’m looping back to start over again.
I really felt prepared for the holidays this year. I felt as if I’ve learned enough lessons and have a decent plan for dealing with blood sugar issues. However, nothing can prepare you for everything; nothing can guarantee that you will follow your plan and not cave into temptation. Christmas day found a confident Kate who paid attention and didn’t splurge on things she shouldn’t. Despite being “good”, I saw a 188 on my meter before we even started eating our Christmas dinner. Where the heck did that come from? So instead of chowing down, I sat at the table sipping wine and visiting with my wonderful family. I ate later when my glucose was happier. I was pleased with my ability to handle the situation and not let it ruin my day.
Then came the days after Christmas.
Suffice it to say that I’ve been less than “good”. There were too many goodies left around and I caved. I could waste a lot of time berating myself but I don’t see the point. It’s time to circle back around and begin again.
Life isn’t a straight road. There are many bumps and curves and detours. Life with diabetes is just the same. It’s silly to think that we can live our lives with diabetes in a straight line, never looking back, never repeating previous “mistakes”. I feel pretty good about the fact that I can circle back to a time when I was in better control. I feel confident that I have learned some valuable lessons along the way and, when I do loop around again, I have the tools I need to move forward.
I had a wonderful Christmas with all my kids here at home. My brother and girlfriend were here as well as our mom. We had a full house with lots of noise, laughter and love. I won’t remember that I splurged too much or that my glucose didn’t play well even when I behaved. I will remember the happy times and that’s what counts.
I accomplished a lot of things this past year in regards to advocacy and my own diabetes management. I’m proud of a lot of what I’ve done. I look forward to a new year and hope that this time next year I can be just as happy looking back. My circles and loops aren’t good or bad, they’re just party of my journey.