Saturday, November 3, 2012

Tales from the Dark Side



It’s hard to admit failure.  Maybe failure is the wrong word; weakness might better suit this story.  It all seemed so innocent and safe in the beginning.  It never occurred to me that I couldn’t handle it.  I could continue to rock my diabetes.  I was so na├»ve.

It all began when I found a really good low-carb vanilla ice cream at my local grocery store.  Don’t ask me why I even looked.  Just call me stubborn…or maybe stupid.  I brought the innocuous carton home and put it in the freezer.  After all, we people with diabetes can “eat whatever we want”, right?  I started out just fine; eating ½ cup on days when my meter told me I had room in my food plan.  It tasted great and I was so pleased to be able to have a treat now and then and still be in control!  But then the evil sweet devil started whispering in my ear at odd times, telling me that a little more of that great tasting stuff was hiding behind that freezer door.  The next thing I knew, I had purchased some of that chocolate syrup that hardens on the ice cream (my favorite is the one with peanut butter in it).  After all, it only had 17 grams of carbs in a tablespoon and there is no way I would eat that much.  I’ll just drizzle a bit on the ice cream for an extra treat, all the while calculating how many carbs.  I’m such a good doobie!

I will spare you all the gory details.  Suffice it to say that things got out of control.  I found myself looking forward to that ice cream treat every night, regardless of how many carbs I’d had at dinner and what my glucose had looked like that day.  A drizzle of chocolate syrup?  Yeah, that didn’t last very long.  I finished off the ice cream a couple of days ago and was determined not to buy any more.  Then I noticed that the carb count on some of the mini candy bars we had left over from Halloween were pretty low!  Neat, I can eat one now and then and be just fine!  Last night I replaced my bowl of ice cream with three little candy bars.  I’m ashamed of myself.  I let the sweet taste take over and completely threw out all the lessons I’ve learned.  I knew better and yet I let it happen.

My fasting blood glucose over the last three days look like this:  135, 135, 147.  It’s time to wake up Kate and realize that you cannot continue on this destructive path.  You hear it and read it over and over again, that people with diabetes can eat anything.  There is no such thing as a diabetic diet.  That’s true; however it’s false to think that people with type 2 can eat anything.  We can’t.  It’s obvious to me that I can’t handle just a little bit of something sweet.  I knew that but I let myself be lulled into thinking that I had conquered that particular demon when I obviously have not.  It’s important to remember that most carbohydrates are not our friend.  It’s imperative that we pay attention to our food triggers and be aware of patterns that bring down all our hard work.  I don’t need ice cream or candy bars to live.  I obviously can’t control how much of it I eat so I need to just stop.

I really enjoyed that ice cream.  Those candy bars tasted so good!  I am addicted to sugar; that much is glaringly apparent to me.  I know that I can have some now and then but it will be safer for me if I have those splurges somewhere besides here at home.  I shouldn’t have it in the house, therefore, I won’t.  (Did you hear that Kate?  Just say no!)  Sugar free options just don’t cut it for me.  I will return to my spoonful of peanut butter with a square of very dark chocolate for my occasional treat.  I seem to be able to handle that.

I have found in the past that if I write it here, I’m more likely to follow through.  You have been my confessor, dear readers.  Thanks for listening.  I hope today begins my journey back to control.

7 comments:

  1. And I just bought some after Halloween candy on sale. It is all 10 carbs or so which is an evil amount because it tricks me into believing I can eat it without a bolus. :(

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  2. Thanks Kate!!! that sounds just like me. I am trying to remember that EVERY DAY. hard to do. I try to have things in my meal plan that includes something sweet so I am NOT tempted to overindulge and make myself sick.

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  3. Me too. I have found the sweets don't seem to send me over so much, and I do manage to keep it to bits and bites. My high readings have come after pizza, burgers, fries, etc. Last night I took a couple of my boys to White Castle. Once I started, it was like I could not stop. Ended up eating FOUR cheeseburgers (15 each), and an order of fries (33). My two hour was 176, three hour 164, four hour (yes, I kept checking!) was 124.
    I just had a three month checkup and was reviewing my #s. The only readings I had over 160 (after a meal) were from pizza, and then they were the times I didn't control portions. I can have ONE slice of pizza, with a salad. I cannot have THREE pieces of pizza. Not if I want to maintain any sort of control.
    It is really a pain, isn't it? Thank you for posting this, you remind me to keep trudgin' the path.

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  4. oh I resonated with this post... I recently had a little conversation with myself regarding sugar. Years ago when my dad first contracted diabetes the thought was to give up sugar, and I think we have gone downhill since being told we can eat everything in moderation.... I keep having to bring myself onto the straight and narrow but really try to keep sugar out of my diet entirely.

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  5. This post resonated for me as well. I can't seem to find my will-power when it comes to food and carbs.

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  6. I think we've talked about this before Kate, my obsession with potato chips. They are my downfall. and so I think well guacomole with melba toast (don't judge~it's a "tastes good combo") will be healthier than potato chips. oh sure they are sodium free, but they do have carbs and sometimes i'm the window and sometimes i'm the bug where theyre concerned. seems to me as though we all struggle with the same types of things. we just need to keep on keepin' on and hold each other up!

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  7. Oh yeah, I'm right there with you. I think I have a tougher time with things like those little Halloween candies because I find it too easy to go back for just one more . . . . half a dozen times.

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