It’s hard to admit failure. Maybe failure is the wrong word; weakness might better suit this story. It all seemed so innocent and safe in the beginning. It never occurred to me that I couldn’t handle it. I could continue to rock my diabetes. I was so naïve.
It all began when I found a really good low-carb vanilla ice cream at my local grocery store. Don’t ask me why I even looked. Just call me stubborn…or maybe stupid. I brought the innocuous carton home and put it in the freezer. After all, we people with diabetes can “eat whatever we want”, right? I started out just fine; eating ½ cup on days when my meter told me I had room in my food plan. It tasted great and I was so pleased to be able to have a treat now and then and still be in control! But then the evil sweet devil started whispering in my ear at odd times, telling me that a little more of that great tasting stuff was hiding behind that freezer door. The next thing I knew, I had purchased some of that chocolate syrup that hardens on the ice cream (my favorite is the one with peanut butter in it). After all, it only had 17 grams of carbs in a tablespoon and there is no way I would eat that much. I’ll just drizzle a bit on the ice cream for an extra treat, all the while calculating how many carbs. I’m such a good doobie!
I will spare you all the gory details. Suffice it to say that things got out of control. I found myself looking forward to that ice cream treat every night, regardless of how many carbs I’d had at dinner and what my glucose had looked like that day. A drizzle of chocolate syrup? Yeah, that didn’t last very long. I finished off the ice cream a couple of days ago and was determined not to buy any more. Then I noticed that the carb count on some of the mini candy bars we had left over from Halloween were pretty low! Neat, I can eat one now and then and be just fine! Last night I replaced my bowl of ice cream with three little candy bars. I’m ashamed of myself. I let the sweet taste take over and completely threw out all the lessons I’ve learned. I knew better and yet I let it happen.
My fasting blood glucose over the last three days look like this: 135, 135, 147. It’s time to wake up Kate and realize that you cannot continue on this destructive path. You hear it and read it over and over again, that people with diabetes can eat anything. There is no such thing as a diabetic diet. That’s true; however it’s false to think that people with type 2 can eat anything. We can’t. It’s obvious to me that I can’t handle just a little bit of something sweet. I knew that but I let myself be lulled into thinking that I had conquered that particular demon when I obviously have not. It’s important to remember that most carbohydrates are not our friend. It’s imperative that we pay attention to our food triggers and be aware of patterns that bring down all our hard work. I don’t need ice cream or candy bars to live. I obviously can’t control how much of it I eat so I need to just stop.
I really enjoyed that ice cream. Those candy bars tasted so good! I am addicted to sugar; that much is glaringly apparent to me. I know that I can have some now and then but it will be safer for me if I have those splurges somewhere besides here at home. I shouldn’t have it in the house, therefore, I won’t. (Did you hear that Kate? Just say no!) Sugar free options just don’t cut it for me. I will return to my spoonful of peanut butter with a square of very dark chocolate for my occasional treat. I seem to be able to handle that.
I have found in the past that if I write it here, I’m more likely to follow through. You have been my confessor, dear readers. Thanks for listening. I hope today begins my journey back to control.