Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Struggles



“Nobody knows the trouble I've seen
Nobody knows my sorrow”
“Sometimes I'm up, sometimes I'm down”
Spiritual

Ain’t it the truth?  When you look at someone, there is no way to know what they’re really feeling on the inside.  Generally speaking, when someone is smiling/laughing/carefree we assume that they are happy and when they’re crying/frowning/sighing we assume that they are sad.  But we humans can excel at deception, can’t we?  Yeah sure, if someone is crying, the chances that they are happy inside are slim but smiling faces are harder to decipher.

“Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes
They don't tell the truth”
The Temptations

I tend to try and remain upbeat when I face the world.  Ray can tell you the other side; the side I sometimes let him see when we’re at home.  Hey, if you can’t be yourself at home, then there is something terribly wrong with your home!  That upbeat tendency flows over into my blog as well.  It’s not that I haven’t written posts when things aren’t peachy but I tend to avoid writing when I’m not in top form.  I think it’s important to acknowledge that life isn’t always a bowl of cherries.  I think it’s ok to raise our hands and admit when we’re feeling down or are struggling.  Kate is raising her hand.

I have been struggling this past week with food.  I have “splurged” too often.  I seem to be in a downward spiral and am beginning to feel pretty awful about it all.  It’s not like I’ve completely tanked my D management, but it’s more like I’ve had small insurrections.  I’m battling against…?  “I rarely go out to eat with my friends so this one meal won’t hurt.” “Look, I chose the “healthier” chicken wrap at Sonic so I can have a few of these tots, right?”  “Aw hell, I sorta blew it today so I’m having the full-blown taco salad, the one with the shell that contains ridiculous amounts of carbs.”

Dang, when I put it down in black and white it looks like I’m an idiot!  I blew it so I’ll just blow it some more?  What?  This is the kind of thinking that has completely negated my weight loss goals in the past and now I’m fighting it, not because I don’t want to gain weight again, but because this will completely muck up my D control.  This can’t stand!  Thankfully, I have continued to exercise through all this but even my enjoyment of that has dimmed.

Can I turn this around?  God, I hope so.  It’s a vicious circle, this lack of control, both mentally and physically.  I don’t feel so great.  My stomach kinda hurts and I’m rarely hungry.  I’m not really hungry so I don’t eat good meals, but snack instead.  Snacking usually means overeating and poorly balanced choices.  Overeating and poorly balanced choices can lead to feeling full and crappy. Those physical feelings give rise to sadness. Rinse, repeat.  Gah!

I’d like to say to you now that starting today I will get back to the program that has made me feel good in body and mind.  I’d like to do that, but I can’t honestly say that I’ll kick this thing today.  What I can tell you is that I’m going to try, damn hard.  “Telling you” all this should help.  I’ve put it out there and that makes it more real for me, so thank you for listening.  Today I plan to fix a more sensible breakfast; one I know will be good for my glucose.  Today I will not snack (did you hear that Kate?).  Just maybe, tomorrow I can wake up and feel good about things again.  Here’s hoping.

6 comments:

  1. Kate, I can totally relate to this post. Totally. Thank you for putting it out there.

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  2. oh kate, i seem to be struggling with the same things. i start out on the road paved with good intentions but quickly i hit the fork! right path? wrong path? and you know which path i end up on. then the guilt sets in. and again i promise myself i'll do better, try harder, make smarter choices.

    just take it one day, one step at a time.

    perhaps we need to use the "buddy system" on this adventure? LOL!

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  3. Hello Kate and everyone and anyone who reads this. I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling with staying on course with your diet. Being one who has struggled with food and weight for many years apprx. 40...I know that feeling.

    But I have been making discoveries over these 40 years. Initially, I would crash diet - pressure from my mother to be thin. I would lose the weight and be praised/rewarded and then gain it back and THEN SOME. I know all of you are aware of this. After a few years of this I realized that this way was a losing battle.

    To sum up what I have learned over the last few decades...is that we Americans - Westerns in general, are overfed and UNDER NOURISHED. We struggle with intense cravings because our bodies are screaming for nutrition. However, our sense of nutrition has become warped. As a result, we tend to reach for the unhealthy options.

    It's taken many years of modifying my diet to get where I'm at now. Previously I was way over 300 pounds...I'm know around 236 and still going down. I also became diabetic with 16.5 AIC - I weighted 238 pounds. Two pounds less -later, AIC is down to 6.2 without medications (10 months). That's another story...I won't get into now.

    I really really recommend that you start your day with a homemade ORGANIC veggie/fruit smoothie. You will feel so much energy, your skin will clear up...I'm much more well..colds and flus have nearly disappeared from life. WOW!!

    In addition, I eat plenty of WHOLE grains, i.e. guinoa (complete protein)...I'll eat a big bowl of it in the morning with nuts, and raisins. I don't crave food for HOURS aftewards. HOURS..I also include Chia seeds and fiber mix to my daily regimen. I have a big salad with lunch ...of my choice, and a small salad or green smoothie with dinner. I FEEL GREAT !!!!! My fasting bg are usually in the 82 - 99 range...WITHOUT medications of any kind.

    Don't get me wrong...I do splurge from time to time...but I'm no longer assaulted with cravings which drag me to eating pathetically bad.

    I really advise to read these books and develop a plan that works for you:

    Dr. Neal Barnard http://www.amazon.ca/Neal-Barnards-Program-Reversing-
    Diabetes/dp/1594868107/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1322611282&sr=1-1

    Dr. Gabriel Cousens http://www.amazon.ca/There-Cure-Diabetes-21-Day-
    Program - I saw the video.

    Death to Diabetes by DeWayne McCulley...he had a BG of 1332 when diagnosed...he had been taking Lipitor; along with an unhealthy diet of a lot junk food and little to no exercise. After diagnose he went from taking 4 shots of insulin to no medications and an AIC of 4.5 in approxi. six months. Among other healthy habits, he found that dark greens are a great healer for the body. It's been approx. ten years and he's still around 4.7. I recently spoke to him; he's easy to get in touch with.

    "The Amazing Liver & Gallbladder Flush - A Powerful Do-It-Yourself Tool To Optimize Your Health and Wellbeing" by Andreas Moritz - after doing one flush...and it was extremely easy....my fasting bg went from being mainly in the 90's to many times now being in the 80's - WITHOUT medications.




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  4. Dear Katie,

    you have probably guessed from reading this and some of it sounding familiar...I'm Karen. I thought my name would show up. I'm new to blogging like this.

    Most sincere...best wishes for you and everyone who reads your posts.

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  5. Dear Katie


    I hope that you are doing well.

    FYI, quinoa is a carb, however complete protein grain. It can also reduce insulin resistence. Per MD Neal Bernard, while it will somewhat raise bg levels, over time overall bg levels gradually become reduced as the fiber helps erases the fat around the insulin receptors.

    In addition to the above books recommended (by anonymous - me) here are some websites that say the same thing:

    www.naturalfoodbenefits.com/print.asp?CAT=1&ID=112

    healthnut-em.blogspot.com/2009/.../quinoa-and-diabetes-tutorial.htm...


    http://www.naturalsolutionsmag.com/alternative-medicine/sweetness-life
    Recent Research on Various Foods and Diabetes

    Current Western medical studies have shown that the intake of whole grain, as opposed to refined grains, is inversely associated with risk of developing type 2 diabetes. Researchers think that this effect is due to improved insulin sensitivity, or an improved ability of the body to use insulin after the intake of whole grains. There are a large variety of whole grains, many of which we are not familiar with in our current Western diets. Examples of whole grains are brown rice, quinoa, millet, amaranth, barley, rye, oatmeal, and sprouted bread.

    The above research is mainly why Medical Doctor Neal Bernard believes in increasing these types of carbs. The overall benefit is healing insulin resistence.

    Karen

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    Replies
    1. Hi Karen, Thanks for posting the info. I have eaten quinoa and like it a lot, however, my blood glucose doesn't. I used to be able to eat more grains than I do now but I've had to lower my intake due to rising glucose numbers. I can still enjoy quinoa now and then but can't really handle more than about 1/4 cup. Hardly worth it.

      I think it's important to remember that every person with diabetes is different and will react to foods differently. It may also depend on how far along your diabetes has progressed. Eating more whole grains may be more important for people who are pre-diabetic or early in their life with diabetes, but not every person with diabetes will be able to eat large quantities of grains. Sigh.

      Thanks again for your comments. I'm doing quite well. Oh, and it's Kate not Katie :)

      Delete

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