Tuesday, December 6, 2011

If I Could Choose…


No one asked me if I wanted to have a disease.  Not only that, but I wasn’t consulted to find out what type of disease I wanted to have.  There are days when I’d like to trade in my diabetes for another model.  Today is one of those days.

What features would I want my new model to have?  Oh, there are so many.  

·       First of all, I’d love for my disease to come without guilt.  Despite the knowledge I have gained throughout my years with diabetes, I still suffer from guilt now and then.  My sensitive psyche doesn’t need guilt.

·       How about a disease with just one treatment plan?  One that works for most everyone.  One that doesn’t change every frickin day.  A treatment plan that allows you to learn what you’re supposed to do and it stays that way; no one changes the rules.

·       A disease that brings on occasional sympathy from others might be nice, as opposed to one that tends to cause people to think that I did this to myself.  Wait, scratch that, I don’t I want people feeling sorry for me.  It would be nice, however, if they didn’t judge.

·       Is there a disease that gives you a break now and then?  One that just goes away for a spell?  I doubt that, but wouldn’t it be nice?

·       Let’s see, a disease that awards brownie points for stellar achievement would be peachy!  I know that when I’m really good with my food plan and exercise that I’m giving myself brownie points for future health, but it doesn’t feel that way today.

·       A disease that I didn’t have to think about every single day would be lovely.  I doubt that exists either, but I’m asking for the dream so I might as well think big.

Wow, I’m being such a whiner today!  After reading over my list, I feel somewhat better.  I mean, it could be so much worse than it is.  In reality, my diabetes is fairly well controlled.  I was diagnosed before I had any symptoms and my general health is really good.  It could be so much worse.  Why am I complaining?  Because today I feel crappy, mentally.  Today I feel sorry for myself.  Rather than hiding in my bed under the blankets, I thought that writing about this would make me feel better.  It has.  It has made me look at myself and say, “Snap out of it and get on with your day!”  I’m doing really well, in retrospect, and I can continue doing that.  So can anyone else out there who has to deal with diabetes!  You can do this too!!  Regardless of what our plan is, regardless of how we handle our individual diabetes, we can do this!  I really do feel better.

5 comments:

  1. I think many PWDs would agree on most of your points. The main issue as I see it is could we exchange a chronic disease for an acute disease instead? Diabetes wears your patients down because it's never ending and the rules change just when you think you've mastered the game. By comparison, an acute disease is horrible while it lasts, and the risks are high, but if you survive, then it's over. Sometimes I wonder if I could handle that type of model better?!

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  2. I agree with you Scott. No matter what cross we bear it's not good. I actually don't like it when I get whiny. I thought if I put in in "black and white" I'd be able to see things better. It worked. ;)

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  3. Oh yes, please sign me up for that type of diabetes!!! And also, can my "brownie points" be actual brownies??? Because that would be really cool!!

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  4. Hi Kate
    Boy do you feel like I look or maybe it is the other way around Lol.. But seriously It kinda blows me away too, When things are going well I have no problem sharing them with friends and family but when things are not so good it becomes a real issue, Like you I don't wanna be seen as a whiner. When things do go bad I just retreat back into my shell not reaching out to anyone and that just make things worse. Diabetes already comes with self blame stigmas built in that it is easier to say hey I have diabetes but I have it under control than the other way around. Kinda feels like you are being blamed twice having diabetes and failing to control it even though both are out of your hands sometimes.
    I so feel your pain because I am in the same boat.
    Give me a sexy, no blame, guilt free, one I can put in a drawer once in a while and forget about disease.. Give me that wont you!!!
    Thanks for letting me mini rant a bit

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